hump day nuggets: balance

hump day nuggets: little bits of the season in photos and words about the last week

Last Thursday night I was up from midnight to 2 am with one question on my mind: am I in labor? And I guess I'll never know exactly what was going on, but it felt a lot like contractions. There was definite changes in intensity and uncomfortable enough to wake and keep me up in the middle of the night. Contractions happening WAY TOO EARLY. They stopped and haven't been back since, but my 2 hour visit with the potential impending doom of preterm labor sent me into a very different mode from last week.

We had better get ready for this baby. I want to tell myself we have plenty of time, but the reality is, we may not.

I pray we have at least 5.5 more weeks (that would put me at 36 weeks).

So, I've been trying to find a balance between savoring and preparing. Between cool evenings on the trampoline and making a list of baby stuff that needs to be retrieved from the attic and purchased at the store.

I love that these two are so completely unaware of our stress and anxiety. They just live and breathe the very moment they are in.

It is so beautiful to watch. Real joy.

Their joy is pure. Their dreams are big. Unadulterated.

I want them to stay this way forever.

I was reminded this week that some where along the path of life this changes for many. Diminishes. We are told to settle for something lesser. Smaller. More mainstream.

I am unwilling to accept it. Joy is worth fighting for.

We are in a faith stretching season of life right now. A season where we are being challenged to remember and truly believe that our God is a God of big dreams. Seemingly impossible dreams. We believe that our God will deliver. That He desires for us to dream big, remain dependent on Him, and wait and watch for Him to deliver.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

- lyrics from Our God by Chris Tomlin

God is so much bigger than mainstream.

And so we have faith for bigger things. We dream. And we wait.




We had family visit over the weekend which is always reason to stop and just be. We savor every hour we have and then spend a lot of time waiting for our next time together.

Our next time together will include two more family members (and four sleep deprived parents) which is exciting. Baby anticipation is so fun.

Cousins are fun :) Annie w/ baby N (34 weeks) and me w/ Luke (30 weeks).

Oh, and just so you're not worried I'm becoming a health food nut or anything, I made these for our visitors. They are amazing. I recommend that you nuke them just a little before eating.

Source: kevinandamanda.com via Dawn on Pinterest

Pretty sure I've gained at least 2 lbs this week due to these babies and their chocolatey goodness.

Here's a play by play of Beet Beet eating her cupcake. Girl forks everything :)

And big news around here. It's open.

Our month dedicated to visiting the pumpkin patch as many times as possible has begun. And our Nebraska family got to go with us for our first visit of the 2011 season.

We likely won't be dong the pony rides again. For Beetles anyways ;)

Juliet sat like a pro.

Beetles spent the entire time trying to dismount the horse. She did say she had fun and announce "I did great job!" once it was all over which was kind of hysterical considering her "Mommy, need off!" pleas during the entire ride.

Till next time! (Juliet getting one last snuggle in with Uncle Jeff before he had to leave).

Our weekend wore me out. Seriously. Kind of pathetic considering we didn't do anything! Just yesterday I felt somewhat normal again. Monday and Tuesday I was beat by noon. Tuesday afternoon I fell asleep on the floor in the playroom during Beetles nap. Not sure how long I slept. Long enough for Juliet to color all over herself with a pen :)



Attempted group shot.



Beet with her My Little Pony hat on. Love those two.

More pictures at Flickr.



Note: Nugget format inspired by the very inspiring Nici over at Dig this Chick.

someday

Juliet has had some anxiety around noises and going to bed lately. She wants me to cover up her face with her blankie so she can't hear the noises. She doesn't cry or anything; just makes sure we have a discussion about the noises she might hear and the fact that they are "ok" before I leave her room for the night.

The whole thing just came out of no where. The girl hasn't even watched a Disney movie yet because I don't feel she's ready for Scar, Ursula, or Cruella de Vil! A little crazy perhaps? I don't know ... but my thoughts around what we allow our children to watch on tv are a whole different story. Not what I sat down to write about tonight ...

For whatever reason, she's having this anxiety and I realized after a few nights that there's only one place to point her if she wants to find peace about it - God. So I've reiterated over the last 4 or so nights that any noises she might hear are completely normal, that God is protecting us, and that she has nothing to worry about.

She started our conversation tonight.

J: God is protecting us?
Me: Yes. Always. You have nothing to worry about.
J: (long pause) He is protecting us. Where did God go? Where is He?
Me: He's in heaven.
J: Can we go see him?
Me: (pause) Someday.

I didn't feel it was appropriate to elaborate any more than that.

It was bedtime after all :)

It is a true privilege to point these precious little girls toward the Lord!! I am so very humbled that He would consider me worthy to play a part in such an important task.

a softer side

I've been thinking a lot about my firstborn lately. My sweet bundle of 2.5 year old fun and exuberance for life with the maturity and wisdom of an older child.



In a post I wrote a few days ago I described her as "observant and thoughtful". It's a true statement, but it's been driving me crazy since I wrote it that those two words were all I said about such important parts of her personality. It's kind of like saying that a person is nice. Seemed like a shallow compliment.



All the other stuff she does makes for better blogging. It's more memorable, even to me. When I look back on my days, I remember the stuff that made me laugh, the silly quotes, or the ongoing challenges that come with every age of child. And usually, that's what I blog about.

And every so often I say that she's sweet ... and I'm sure some of you are like "What?"

Because I've left so much out. Really the very essence of who she is.

Even at such a young age I can see her developing into a girl with heart for others, a generous spirit, a genuine understanding of things, and a willingness to both listen to instruction and work toward her own solutions.

But stories about saying please and thank you and sharing toys with her sister just don't make for good blog posts. It's the days I about pulled my hair out over her completely normal 2 year old emotions that do ...



So today my mission was to capture those things. Those things that she does each and every day. The reasons I describe her as sweet, observant and thoughtful.

It didn't take long to make a list. And I'm sure I could come up with many many more. The following may seem like a bunch of non important details of our daily routine, but to me they are really and truly the MOST IMPORTANT things that make her the beautiful child she is.



Every morning Juliet runs into our room, climbs up into our bed and asks me "How you sleep Mommy?" She then takes an inventory of where every other member of our family is - typically Daddy is either in the bathroom getting ready for work or already gone for the day, Beetle is still sleeping (we check the video monitor to see what she's doing in her crib), and Charlie is somewhere else in the house. From the moment she wakes up, this little girl is thinking about others.

When J helps me transfer laundry from the washing machine to the dryer, she says aloud who every article of clothing belongs to. "These are Daddy's socks. These Beetle's pants. ..."

This morning, J brought me my cup of Chai tea from the playroom. There was just a little bit left so I asked her if she wanted a drink. She did. Immediately after taking a drink, she looked up at me and said "Beetle wants a drink too!" The two finished it off for me :)

J loves to make things - color pictures, stick stickers on paper, paint, etc. While she's working on her masterpiece she typically tells me who the artwork is for. "This picture is for Jeff and Annie. They gonna love it."

Just yesterday Beetle started taking more steps by herself. She'll let go of whatever she's holding on to and take a few steps on her own before sitting down. She's getting brave and trying to walk more often. Juliet took notice of this and came and told me "Mommy, Beetle is walking!?!?" I think she was both excited and a little concerned ... as she should be :)

She is very mindful of her family and friends even when they are not around. It is not uncommon for her to out of nowhere inform me that Buh-Buh (Aunt Deb) is at school or that Daddy likes to eat bananas with her or that Uncle David is really funny. It always catches me off guard when she does it. Apparently I am more wrapped up in the present moment than she is ;)

She has asked me about my foot and how it is healing numerous times since my surgery.

Both my mom and Aunt Debra got new cars recently. Juliet noticed the first time the different vehicles pulled into the driveway. She also takes notice of new shoes her aunts have on when they visit.

Today while the girls colored, I heard her telling B what the different colors were and trying to help her use the crayons correctly, i.e. not eat them :) She'd put her hand over B's little hand and help her scribble on the paper. So sweet!



I don't anticipate that I will stop sharing all the silly stuff J does on this blog. And I don't anticipate that this blog will ever really accurately depict Juliet or anything about our family perfectly. The only way to really know someone is to actually know them! I do love the internet and think blogging has some real perks, but I think it's important to realize that this blog isn't us. It describes a part of who we are, but that part isn't anywhere near complete!

Being a mom is hard work and I acknowledge that focusing on the positive things in our children isn't always easy. The little things tend to get lost, don't they? I believe that one of the most important responsibilities we have as parents is to look for and dwell on the unique gifts God has given our child. If we don't help our children realize and capitalize on their unique giftedness, who will??

put on a happy face

I can still remember the last time I cried as hard as I did today when I left the doctor. It was while I was in the hospital on bed rest, about day 4. Sobbing so hard my stomach hurt, telling myself to breathe slowly through my tears. I was quite certain I couldn't survive trapped in the hospital another day without going completely mad. My heart ached to be home; home so I could take care of my toddler, clean my own house, and stop being a huge burden on the people I love.

You dig down deep in times like that. Real deep.

That's just what we did just a little over a year ago. For eleven long days while I was in the hospital.

And that's what I have to do again. For 2 more weeks (technically 2 weeks and one day ... my appointment is on Friday the 21st). And I'm really disappointed. You'd just have to have been here yesterday to know the full extent of the emotional, crying every 20 minute 2.5 year old and the 1 year old that couldn't keep herself out of her favorite naughty locations (dog food bowl, fireplace, bathroom, etc.). Yesterday when I wasn't contemplating locking either myself in the bathroom or my children in their rooms, I was saying to myself "This is your LAST day. You can do this."

Ugh.

I hate it when God doesn't answer my prayers the way I'd like Him to. I'm no stranger to the reality that sometimes He has other plans and so I sit here disappointed, but trusting that He still has work to do. I've walked with the Lord long enough to know that His way is perfect whether I understand it at the present moment or not.

So, I got back from the doctor, threw a pity party for myself for exactly 7 minutes (or at least that's how long my mom said I was allowed to feel sorry for myself), and I put on a happy face. We will get through this. This is temporary and really in the great scheme of life - NOT ALL THAT BAD.

Juliet helped me get dinner ready while Beetle was sleeping. We made a variation of Aubrey's Chicken Enchilada Casserole and Juliet loved helping me tear up the tortillas, sprinkle cheese, etc. I may never cook alone again!





Note to Aubrey: I love your version (I don't know that I'd say I want to marry your for it, but I guess that's irrelevant). Anyways, the second and third times that I've made it, I've added different things - black beans, corn, ground beef in place of chicken -and it's been good every time. Maybe I'll pay attention to what I add and write it down next time ...

Nine years ago on our honeymoon. This looks nice :)