new normal

Today marks one week in the hospital. Having never stayed in the hospital for anything other than my delivery with Juliet, I didn't know what to expect and can say that the long stay has been harder than I expected. I don't think it's being here that's hardest for me; more the undefined length of my stay. Yes, the doctor said our goal was 34 weeks - which would be next Wednesday - but one nurse put it well when she said that as long as the baby was thriving, staying pregnant was the best scenario ... that news hit the emotional planner in me like a ton of bricks. So, we have no idea. Maybe next Wednesday, maybe the following Friday ... your guess is as good as mine!

Had an ultrasound yesterday and the baby looks great. Lungs looked good, size measuring right on track, etc. My trip to radiology was my first time out of my room so that was pretty exciting - a fun gurney ride to spice up my day :) I did get permission to go on a daily wheelchair ride so hopefully I can get out for 20 minutes of fresh air sometime soon.

My sisters brought Juliet up here this evening. I love it when she comes. It's like a little piece of me is gone when she's not around so my heart just feels complete when she walks in the room saying "mama." Tonight when they were here, I thought to myself "I can't wait to get home so things can get back to normal." And then I realized that when I do get out of here things aren't going to be the way the used to. Old normal is gone. Everything will be totally different when I go home. I feel like I'm in this weird in between space - the twilight zone or something. I showed up here one week ago today unknowingly entering this transition time from old normal to new normal. I can't deny that I feel like my time in the old normal was cut a little short and I'm sad that I can't have just a few more days.

I'm reading what I've typed so far and realize that it may sound like I'm not excited for baby #2 to arrive. I'm excited for this next phase of our lives and the positive changes that I know the baby will mean for us as a family. Babies are such an amazing blessing and a true miracle. I can't wait to meet this little one. Maybe I'm just longing for something to be defined in my life right now ... and it seems that everything coming up is not!

The only thing that's defined and constant are the amazing people around me who have literally dropped everything to make sure that the 4 of us are loved and more than taken care of. My family has been a true testimony to what it looks like to be the hands and feet of Christ. I have good company usually more than once a day, Sonic when I need it, and I sit/lay here without a worry or concern about my little girl ... or my husband being fed. And I know they will keep it up until I deliver one day or 2 weeks from now and that makes me overwhelmed with gratitude to the point of tears.

God is so good - in the old normal, the now, and the new normal.