put on a happy face

I can still remember the last time I cried as hard as I did today when I left the doctor. It was while I was in the hospital on bed rest, about day 4. Sobbing so hard my stomach hurt, telling myself to breathe slowly through my tears. I was quite certain I couldn't survive trapped in the hospital another day without going completely mad. My heart ached to be home; home so I could take care of my toddler, clean my own house, and stop being a huge burden on the people I love.

You dig down deep in times like that. Real deep.

That's just what we did just a little over a year ago. For eleven long days while I was in the hospital.

And that's what I have to do again. For 2 more weeks (technically 2 weeks and one day ... my appointment is on Friday the 21st). And I'm really disappointed. You'd just have to have been here yesterday to know the full extent of the emotional, crying every 20 minute 2.5 year old and the 1 year old that couldn't keep herself out of her favorite naughty locations (dog food bowl, fireplace, bathroom, etc.). Yesterday when I wasn't contemplating locking either myself in the bathroom or my children in their rooms, I was saying to myself "This is your LAST day. You can do this."

Ugh.

I hate it when God doesn't answer my prayers the way I'd like Him to. I'm no stranger to the reality that sometimes He has other plans and so I sit here disappointed, but trusting that He still has work to do. I've walked with the Lord long enough to know that His way is perfect whether I understand it at the present moment or not.

So, I got back from the doctor, threw a pity party for myself for exactly 7 minutes (or at least that's how long my mom said I was allowed to feel sorry for myself), and I put on a happy face. We will get through this. This is temporary and really in the great scheme of life - NOT ALL THAT BAD.

Juliet helped me get dinner ready while Beetle was sleeping. We made a variation of Aubrey's Chicken Enchilada Casserole and Juliet loved helping me tear up the tortillas, sprinkle cheese, etc. I may never cook alone again!





Note to Aubrey: I love your version (I don't know that I'd say I want to marry your for it, but I guess that's irrelevant). Anyways, the second and third times that I've made it, I've added different things - black beans, corn, ground beef in place of chicken -and it's been good every time. Maybe I'll pay attention to what I add and write it down next time ...

Nine years ago on our honeymoon. This looks nice :)