got milk? part 1

Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and everything in between. That's your warning. This post is about milk and boobs. Don't read it if you aren't interested. It won't hurt my feelings!

I wrote the following a while ago (the post was dated 3 March), but am just now getting around to sharing it. I just hadn't had time to proofread! This summarizes everything until the beginning of March, but things have changed a lot since then so I'll have to work on another part 2 post.

Here goes ...

Juliet nursed for 12.5 months and probably took about a dozen bottles before refusing them around 5 months of age. Because of this, I didn't pump more than a couple times and had no experience with formula. I would describe our nursing experience as good, but crazy at times. For the first 6 months, she ate what seemed like all the time (8-12 times in 24 hours), especially in the afternoon and evening. For the first 3 months, it took her 45 min - 1 hr to nurse. We never seemed to find a routine, by that I mean I never knew how long it would be until she'd be hungry again - maybe it would be 1 hr, maybe 5. Because of this, if she cried, I always wondered if she was hungry. She didn't sleep through the night until 10 months of age. I will not deny that I hated the commitment some days. I was strapped and spent much of the newborn phase confused about my seemingly unpredictable baby.

I don't think my experience is unlike many and I don't think it was bad. I had another child, didn't I? :) I simply highlight it here because I think some of my motivation for doing things differently this time around grew out my experience with Juliet.

When I was pregnant with Corinne, my plan was to breastfeed, but to be more consistent with bottles and potentially use formula during the night time feedings so Dominic could help. But as often happens, my plans changed. Since Corinne was in the NICU for a week, I had to pump to establish my milk supply. I usually made it up to the hospital to feed her 2 times a day (after she was a couple days old), but she was getting a bottle right from the beginning. The pumping was new to me. The recommendation by the lactation nurses was to double pump for 15 min every 2 hours during the day and once during the night.

When we came home, the doctor recommended that we give her some preemie formula (Similac NeoSure) for 2 of her feedings. So for the first month or so, she nursed all feedings but 2 a day. I pumped some if we were going to be out and about or if I needed Dominic to feed C. Mid January, things got crazy. C hit a growth spurt and needed to nurse all the time, J was eating crayons and attempting to scale the couch while I was pinned down feeding C, etc. I was stressed and feeling like life with two kids wasn't going to be as manageable as I'd hoped. Eeeek! Not a good feeling. It was admittedly easier when I fed C a bottle (she was content/full longer and the feeding didn't take as long), but I was having guilt about the idea of bottle feeding. I had no idea I was a breastfeeding snob prior to this point :) So, things went along entirely crazy for a couple weeks. I wanted breastfeeding to work out, but knew if it went anything like it did with J, it just wouldn't be fair - for either of them really. I needed to do what was best for the entire family.

So I decided to try pumping and feeding for all C's feedings for a few days to see how it went. Thankfully, it worked. Our days went much more smoothly and I wasn't as stressed. It was a good solution for us and while not perfect I was content.

A few more random things that may or may not be of interest to anyone:

• I cannot get my milk supply above 20 oz. I think I could drink 3 gallons of water and pump non stop all day and it wouldn't make a difference. Because of this, C gets some formula in every bottle. We currently are making 5oz bottles with 3 oz of breast milk and 2 oz of formula.
• My supply is much less in the afternoon and evening. Sometimes, I will pump less than half of what I pump in the morning. I mention this mostly for other breastfeeding moms who may wonder why their babe needs to eat more frequently in the afternoon and evening hours.
• There is an herbal tea out there that is supposed to help millk supply. I tried this, but it upset my stomach. They have capsules as well, but I figured it would have the same affect on my stomach.
• The recommendation given to me by the lactation consultants that I talked to regarding my first point (milk supply only being 20 oz) was to put C back to the breast. Babies stimulate milk production better than a pump. While I knew this to be true, I just couldn't do it. When all this was happening, I was pumping an average of 17 oz a day (20 oz was a really good day) and C was eating at least 25 oz a day. The idea of putting her back to the breast knowing that I'd be 7ish oz short wasn't my idea of fun ...
  

My decision not to breastfeed was much harder than I ever imagined it could be. I know I made the right decision for me and think it has given me a better perspective and attitude. I never would have said it out loud, but I think used to feel that moms who didn't breastfeed their baby weren't as committed, or didn't love their kid as much and now I know that is absurd. Even typing that out makes me want to reword it to not sound as mean, but I want to be real about this. I think I had to feel that way to get through it ... I mean, you can't live like I did for a year and not need to think that you are somehow superior just to get through. I needed to feel like what I was doing was somehow better and that the insanity was worth it ... looking back I'm not sure it was, but we all survived so I guess that's something ;)

So breastfeeding didn't work out, and in a weird way, I'm glad it didn't! I think I'm a better mom, wife, and friend because of the whole situation. Every woman is different, every baby is different, and a mom has to do what is best for her family!!